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Ski!

Ski Jokes

What is the difference between God and a ski instructor?

God does not think he is a ski instructor

A car has five snowboarders in the back seat. What do you call the driver?

Sheriff

How can you tell who the ski instructor is in a room full of people?

You don't have to, they will tell you.

What do you call a snowboarder with no girlfriend?

Homeless

A Cadillac with five skiers runs off a cliff, and everybody dies. What's the worst thing?

Cadillac seats six

How many ski instructors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Six, one to screw in the bulb and five to say, "nice turn," "nice turn," "nice turn"

Ski

A ski is a long flat device worn on the feet designed to help the wearer slide smoothly over snow. Originally intended as an aid to travel in snowy regions, they are now primarily used for recreational and sporting purposes. Also, a ski may denote a similar device used for other purposes than skiing, e.g., for steering snowmobiles.

Snow skis glide on snow because downward pressure, as well as heat from surface friction, melts the snow directly under the ski. This creates a very thin layer of water directly under the ski upon which the ski glides. Ski wax is used to decrease drag by increasing the water repellent properties of the base.

Ski History

The original Nordic ski technology was improved during the early twentieth century so that skiers could make turns at higher speeds. New ski and binding designs, coupled with the introduction of ski lifts to carry skiers high up on mountains, enabled the development of today’s most prominent category of the sport, alpine skiing.

Ski Construction

Skis were originally wooden planks made from a single piece of wood. They are now usually made from a complex assembly of components including glass fiber, kevlar, titanium, other polymers or composite materials, though many may still contain wooden cores.

Most skis are long and thin, pointed and curved upwards at the front to prevent the ski from digging into the snow. The user is attached by bindings which in turn hold the ski boots. Beginning in the early 2000s, many ski manufacturers began designing their skis and bindings together, creating an 'integrated binding system.' These systems serve two purposes. First, they often use a railroad track style design, to allow the toe and heel pieces to slide, which in turn allows the ski to flex deeply, without a flat spot underfoot, caused by the presence of a binding. Second, it forces the consumer to purchase both skis and bindings from the same manufacturer, increasing sales.

Types of ski

Many types of skis exist, all designed for different situations, of which the following are a selection.

Alpine ski

Like all skis, alpine "downhill" skis were little more than glorified planks of wood. Later on metal edges were added to better grip the snow and ice of a ski trail. Through the years downhill ski construction has become much more sophisticated. The use of composite materials, and space age metals made skis stronger, lighter, and more durable. In the late 1980s and early 1990s, spearheaded by ELAN, manufacturers began producing parabolic "shaped" skis (when viewed from above or below, the center or "waist" is narrower than the tip or tail). Virtually all modern skis are made with some degree of side cut today. The more dramatic the difference between the width of the tip waist and tail, coupled with the length stiffness and camber of the ski, the shorter radius turns the ski is capable of creating. Skis used in the downhill race events are long with a subtle side cut as they are built for speed and wide fast turns. Slalom skis, as well as many recreational skis are shorter with a greater side cut to facilitate tighter, easier turns.

The ski is turned by applying pressure, rotation and edge angle. When the ski is set at an angle the edge cuts into the snow, the ski will follow the arc and hence turn the skier; a practice known as carving a turn. Old fashioned straight skis can not be used to carve turns. The lack of a side cut means that when on edge the ski does not flex into a curve that is geometically practical on a mountain. Straight skis must therefore be pushed from edge to edge. Influenced by snowboarding, during the 1990s this shaping of the ski became significantly more pronounced to make it easier for skiers to carve turns. This makes skiing much easier to learn, because the skis turn by themselves when placed on edge. Such skis were once termed carving skis, or shaped skis or parabolic skis to differentiate them from the more traditional straighter skis, but nearly all modern recreational skis are produced with the curve.