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Chatter Matters

Non-words are not words, but sounds that create filler between thoughts. People are afraid of silence, so they sustain the verbiage between thoughts that creates unwanted "umms and ahhs." Newsflash: Silence is powerful.

When I was in grade school, I knew I could ignore the teacher as long as I heard the droning voice and chalk tapping across the chalkboard. I could pass a note or tape the smart girl's hair to the back of her chair. One day I was in the middle of a hushed conspiracy with another student, and the background noise suddenly stopped for an extended period of time. I felt the weight of unwanted attention from Sister Margaret. That was the day I learned that silence is more riveting than chatter.

Early in my speaking career, I would string sentences together with non-words like "anyway, okay so what next," and "alrighty then." I used filler that turned an otherwise crisp presentation into a linear assault of sentences. "Processing aloud" is common, but preventable. I later learned how to consider my next sentence without the verbal crutch of non-words: I prepare my thoughts during a count of three. This eliminates non-words and harnesses the collective attention span.

Processing aloud is common in standup comedy routines. How many times have you heard, "So anyway, what else is going on in the news?" Or, "Yeah . . . so, yeah, what's up with laundry detergent, anyway?" These comics assume processing aloud is a transition. For both comic and presenter, it's unnecessary verbal foliage that, if pruned, makes words blossom brighter.

Silence enables your listeners to gather thoughts, make notes, or allow your wisdom to gel. If you rattle-off your insights at record speed, your listeners feel like Lucy and Ethel boxing chocolates at the end of a speedy conveyor belt. Be patient with your audience, and remember that silence creates drama and attention faster than an air horn. Using silence as a tool demonstrates confidence, composure and professional aplomb.

Ken Lodi helps managers and executives hone their presentation skills, pitch meetings and value propositions so they grow their business and leverage important opportunities. If you or your team improved your skills for these occasions, what would it do for your business?

Conversation is the verbalization of concepts involving abstractions and concrete objects which make up the reality in which we reside.

A conversation is communication by two or more people, often on a particular topic. Conversations are the ideal form of communication in some respects, since they allow people with different views of a topic to learn from each other. A speech, on the other hand, is an oral presentation by one person directed at a group.

Those engaging in conversation naturally relate the other speaker's statements to themselves, and insert themselves (or some degree of relation to themselves, ranging from the replier's opinions or points to actual stories about themselves) into their replies. For a successful conversation, the partners must achieve a workable balance of contributions. A successful conversation includes mutually interesting connections between the speakers or things that the speakers know. For this to happen, those engaging in conversation must find a topic on which they both can relate to in some sense.

Conversation analysis is a branch of sociology which studies the structure and organization of human interaction, with a more specific focus on conversational interaction.

Talk Types of conversation

Conversation conducted in formal but unstructured settings can be particularly valuable in enlivening those in the growing population of retired, and sometimes otherwise isolated, people in advanced countries. Institutions such as the University of the Third Age provide such settings. Here the great diversity of life experience and points of view provide a very rich resource for advanced learning.

"Banter" is the art of jovial and frivolous conversation and behavior, which can be taken to several different levels, and can be liable to involve crude, offensive sexual joking which may offend some. It is also liable to be very personal, being directed at particular people and may develop into direct offense and 'mickey' taking of a person. The saying 'If you can't take the banter, canter' means that if you take offense to another's comments/actions when they were intended only to amuse, then you should leave. Banter is particularly difficult for those on the autistic spectrum, or those with semantic pragmatic.

Television programs described as "talk shows," such as William F. Buckley's Firing Line or the Dick Cavett Show, can be considered as exercises in conversation. In entertainment talk shows, however, the conversation is often pre-scripted.

Talk Literature on conversation

Authors who have written extensively on conversation and attempted to analyze its nature include:

Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Al Switzler, and Ron McMillan have written two New York Times bestselling books on conversation. The first one, "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High," McGraw-Hill, 2002, teaches skills for handling disagreement and high-stakes issues at work and at home. The second book, "Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations, and Bad Behavior," McGraw-Hill, 2005, teaches important skills for dealing with accountability issues.

Charles Blattberg has written two books defending an approach to politics that emphasizes conversation, in contrast to negotiation, as the preferred means of resolving conflict. His From Pluralist to Patriotic Politics: Putting Practice First, Oxford and New York: Oxford University Press, 2000, ISBN 0-19-829688-6, is a work of political philosophy; and his Shall We Dance? A Patriotic Politics for Canada, Montreal and Kingston: McGill Queen's University Press, 2003, ISBN 0-7735-2596-3, applies that philosophy to the Canadian case.

Paul Drew & John Heritage - Talk at Work, a study of how conversation changes in social and workplace situations. Neil Postman - Amusing Ourselves to Death (Conversation is not the book's specific focus, but discourse in general gets good treatment here)

Deborah Tannen - The Argument Culture: Stopping America's war of Words, Conversational Style: Analyzing Talk Among Friends, Gender and Discourse, I Only Say This Because I Love You, Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work, That's Not What I Meant!, You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation