W.C. Fields!

W.C. Fields Joke

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch...

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know!

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.

Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank her.

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck.

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one.

(When asked : "How do you like children?") "Fried!"

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

(In a restaurant to waitress): "I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here."

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.

...more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

My father...one of the great immorals, er, immortals, of our time.

Man: "I have no sympathy for a man who is intoxicated all the time." WC: "A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy."

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

(Asked if he believed in clubs for women, Fields responded:) "Yes, if every other form of persuasion fails."

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.

Charlie McCarthy: "Say, Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?" WC: "He'd think I was a sissy."

I exercise extreme self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.

"Fields reloading!" (Fields' retort from his dressing room after a director had shouted, "Camera reloading!")

Hangman: "Have you any last wish?" WC: "Yes, I'd like to see Paris before I die." (pause) "Philadelphia will do."

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon--and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Secretary: "It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law." WC: "Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible."

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

(Invited to play golf by someone he didn't like, Fields responded:) "When I want to play with a prick, I'll play with my own."

What rascal has been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice?

"I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad."

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

Water rusts pipes. (His reasoning for not drinking water)

W.C. Fields

Birth name William Claude Dukenfield

Born January 29, 1880

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Died December 25, 1946

Pasadena, California

Other name(s) Charles Bogle

Otis Criblecoblis

Mahatma Kane Jeeves

Spouse(s) Harriet Hughes

W.C. Fields (January 29, 1880 December 25, 1946) was an American juggler, comedian, and actor. Fields created one of the great American comic personas of the first half of the 20th century a misanthrope who teetered on the edge of buffoonery but never quite fell in, an egotist blind to his own failings, a charming drunk; and a man who hated children, dogs, and women, unless they were the wrong sort of women.

This characterization that he portrayed in films and radio was so strong that it was generally identified with Fields himself. It was maintained by the then-typical movie-studio publicity departments at Fields' studios (Paramount and Universal) and further established by Robert Lewis Taylor's 1949 biography W.C. Fields, His Follies and Fortunes. Beginning in 1973, with the publication of Fields' letters, photos, and personal notes in grandson Ronald Fields's book W.C. Fields By Himself, it has been shown that Fields was married (and subsequently estranged from his wife), financially supported their son, and loved his grandchildren.

W.C. Fields Biography

W.C. Fields Birth and early career

Born William Claude Dukenfield in Darby, Pennsylvania. His father, James Dukenfield, came from an English-Irish family of noble origins (being descendants of Lord Dukenfield of Cheshire), and his mother, Kate Spangler Felton, was also of British descent. James Dukenfield arrived in the USA in 1857 from Ecclesall Bierlow in Sheffield, South Yorkshire with his father John (who was a comb maker), mother Ann and his siblings. James was identified as a "baker" on the 1860 U.S. census and a "huckster" on the 1870 census, an enterprise in which the young William later assisted.

Fields left home at age 18 and entered vaudeville. By age 21 he was traveling as a comedy juggling act, becoming a headliner in both North America and Europe. In 1906 he made his Broadway debut in the musical comedy The Ham Tree.

Fields was well known for embellishing stories of his youth, but despite the legends he encouraged, the truth is that his home seems to have been a relatively happy one and his family supported his ambitions for the stage: his parents saw him off on the train for his first real stage tour as a teenager, and his father visited him in England while Fields was enjoying success in the music halls there.

He married a fellow vaudevillian, chorus girl Harriet "Hattie" Hughes, on April 8, 1900. Their son, Claude, was born on July 28, 1904, while Fields was away from Hattie on tour in England. By 1907, however, W. C. and Hattie separated; she had been pressing him to stop touring and settle down to a respectable trade, while he was unwilling to give up his own livelihood. Until his death Fields would keep up both correspondence and the sending of voluntary child-support payments to Hattie.

Though known for his comic acting, Fields started as an "eccentric juggler" (and was later inducted into the juggling hall of fame), appearing in the makeup of a genteel "tramp": scruffy beard and shabby tuxedo, for instance. He juggled cigar boxes, hats, and a variety of other objects in what seems to have been a unique and fresh act, parts of which are reproduced in some of his films. His trademark mumbling patter was developed during this time, and he toured with Irwin's Burlesquers and other vaudeville troupes in the United States, Europe, and Australia before making it to Broadway in Florenz Ziegfeld's famous revue. There he delighted audiences with a wild pool skit, complete with bizarrely shaped cues and a custom-built table used for a number of hilarious gags and surprising stunts. His pool game is also reproduced, at least in part, in some of his films.

He starred in multiple editions of the Ziegfeld Follies and in the Broadway musical comedy Poppy, where he perfected his persona as an oily, small-time confidence man.

W.C. Fields Movies

Fields starred in a couple of short comedies, filmed in New York in 1915. His stage commitments prevented him from doing more movie work until 1924. Fields wore a scruffy-looking, clip-on mustache in virtually all of his silent films, discarding it only after his first sound feature film, Her Majesty Love.

He also contributed to the films' scripts, under unusual pseudonyms such as "Otis Criblecoblis," which contains an embedded homophone for "scribble." Another, "Mahatma Kane Jeeves," is a pun on mahatma and a phrase of an aristocrat walking out: "My hat, my cane, Jeeves." He also used the ordinary-sounding pseudonym "Charles Bogle" several times.

W.C. Fields wearing his early mustache get-up with Louise Brooks in Its the The Old Army GameIn his films, he often played hustlers such as carnival barkers and card sharps, spinning yarns and distracting his marks, as with this gem from Mississippi: "Whilst traveling through the Andes Mountains, we lost our corkscrew. Had to live on food and water for several days!" Fields had an affection for unlikely names and many of his characters bore them. Among the prime examples are:

"Larson E. read "Larceny" Whipsnade" (You Can't Cheat An Honest Man);

"Egbert Sousé" pronounced 'soo-ZAY', but pointing toward a synonym for a 'drunk' (The Bank Dick);

"Ambrose Wolfinger" (Man On the Flying Trapeze)

"The Great McGonigle" (The Old Fashioned Way).

The carnival fraud was not the only character Fields played. He was also fond of casting himself as the victim: a hapless householder constantly under the thumb of his shrewish wife and/or mother-in-law. His 1934 classic It's a Gift included his stage sketch of trying to escape his nagging family by sleeping on the back porch, and being bedeviled by noisy neighbors and traveling salesmen.

Although lacking formal education, he was well read and a lifelong admirer of author Charles Dickens. He achieved one of his career ambitions by playing the character Mr. Micawber, in MGM's David Copperfield in 1935. In 1936, Fields recreated his signature stage role in Poppy for Paramount Pictures. ("If we should ever separate, my little plum, I want to give you just one bit of fatherly advice." "Yes, Pop?" "Never give a sucker an even break!") He had previously transferred his famous role onto the silent screen in Sally of the Sawdust (1925) directed by the legendary D.W. Griffith. That effort was not a success.

W.C. Fields in a scene from The Bank DickHis misanthropic persona was no pose: Madge Evans, an actress who appeared in several films during the 1930s and who was later married to Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright Sidney Kingsley ("Dead End," "Detective Story"), told a visitor in 1972 that her friend Fields so deeply resented intrusions on his privacy by curious tourists walking up the driveway to his Los Angeles home that he would conceal himself in the shrubs by his house, firing BB pellets at the trespassers' legs. Groucho Marx told a similar story, in his live album An Evening with Groucho.

Fields made four short subjects for comedy pioneer Mack Sennett in 1932 and 1933. During this period, Paramount Pictures began featuring Fields in full-length comedies, and by 1934 he was a major movie star. Illness, worsened by his heavy drinking, stopped Fields's film work in 1936; he made one last film for Paramount, The Big Broadcast of 1938. The comedian's all-around cussedness kept other producers away. and Fields was professionally idle until he recorded a short speech for a radio broadcast.

W.C. Fields on the Radio

While Fields was idle, he recorded a short speech for a radio broadcast. His familiar, snide drawl registered so well with listeners that he quickly became a popular guest on network radio shows. One of his funniest routines had him trading insults with Edgar Bergen's dummy Charlie McCarthy on "The Chase and Sanborn Hour." Fields would twit Charlie about his being made of wood, while Charlie would fire back at Fields about his drinking (Fields: "Is it true your father was a gate-leg table?" McCarthy: "If it is, your father was under it!").

Fields's new popularity earned him a contract with Universal Pictures in 1939. His first feature for Universal, You Can't Cheat an Honest Man, carried on the Fields-McCarthy rivalry. In 1940 Fields made My Little Chickadee with Mae West, as well as The Bank Dick, perhaps his best-known film (in which he asks bartender Shemp Howard, "Was I in here last night, and did I spend a $20 bill?" "Yeah!" "Oh, is that a load off my mind... I thought I'd lost it!").

W. C. was known to his friends as "Bill." Edgar Bergen also called him "Bill" in the radio shows (Charlie McCarthy, of course, called him by other names). In films in which he was portrayed as having a son, he sometimes named the character "Claude," after his own son. In England he was sometimes billed as "Wm. C. Fields," presumably to avoid controversy due to "W.C." being the British abbreviation/euphemism for "Water Closet," although it might be safely assumed that the earthy Fields was amused by the coincidence. His public use of initials instead of a first name was a commonplace formality of the era in which Fields grew up.

Fields often fought with studio producers, directors, and writers over the content of his films. He was determined to make a movie his way, with his own script and staging and his own choice of supporting players. Universal finally gave him the chance, and the resulting film, Never Give a Sucker an Even Break, (1941) is a masterpiece of absurd humor in which Fields appeared as himself, "The Great Man." Universal's singing star Gloria Jean played opposite Fields, and his old cronies Leon Errol and Franklin Pangborn served as his comic foils. But the film Fields delivered was so nonsensical that Universal recut and reshot parts of it and then quietly released both the film and Fields. Sucker turned out to be his last starring film.

Fields's film career slowed down considerably in the 1940s. His illnesses confined him to brief guest-star appearances. An extended sequence in 20th Century Fox's Tales of Manhattan (1942) was cut from the original release of the film; it was later reinstated for some home video releases. His last film, the musical revue Sensations (of 1945), was released in 1945.

W.C. Fields Death

Fields spent his final weeks in a hospital, where a friend stopped by for a visit and caught Fields reading the Bible. When asked why, Fields replied, "I'm checking for loopholes." In a final irony, W.C. Fields died in 1946 (from a stomach hemorrhage) on the holiday he claimed to despise: Christmas Day. As documented in W.C. Fields and Me (published in 1971, the book was made into a film of the same name, starring Rod Steiger in 1976), he died at Las Encinas Sanatorium, Pasadena, California, a bungalow-type sanitarium where, as he lay in bed dying, his long-time and final love, Carlotta Monti, went outside and turned the hose onto the roof, so as to allow Fields to hear for one last time his favorite sound of falling rain. According to the documentary W.C. Fields Straight Up, his death occurred in this way: he winked and smiled at a nurse, put a finger to his lips, and died. Fields was 66, and had been a patient for 14 months.

He was interred in the Forest Lawn Memorial Park Cemetery, in Glendale, California. There have been stories that he wanted his grave marker to read "On the whole, I would rather be in Philadelphia," his home town, which is similar to a line he used in My Little Chickadee: "I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia would do!" (In one of his film bits, he made a point of referencing "Philadelphia Cream Cheese." Given his fondness for words, maybe he just liked the sound of his home town's name.) This rumor has also morphed into "I would rather be here than in Philadelphia." The anecdote that Fields often remarked, "Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night" is unsubstantiated. It is also said that Fields wanted "I'd rather be in Philadelphia" on his gravestone because of the old vaudeville joke among comedians that "I would rather be dead than play Philadelphia." Whatever his wishes might have been, his interment marker merely has his name and birth and death years.

W.C. Fields Caricatures

Fields, with his bulbous nose (as a result of rosacea), rotund body, and blustery, nasal voice, has often been caricatured. A few examples:

Several contemporary cartoons contained Fields characterizations.

The comic strip The Wizard of Id features an attorney called "Larsen E. Pettifogger," an obvious parody of Fields that borrows from the character "Larsen E. Whipsnade" that Fields created in You Can't Cheat an Honest Man.

Frito-Lay's controversial "Frito Bandito" in the late 1960s was retired in favor of a Fields lookalike called "W.C. Fritos."

In addition to the above "W. C. Fritos" ads, Fields was mimicked and caricatured in a great many animated cartoons and commercials, ranging from classic Looney Tunes shorts to an ad for Cocoa Puffs (in which Sonny disguised himself as W. C.). On the TV show Gigglesnort Hotel, there was a puppet character named W. C. Cornfield which was an obvious caricature of Fields.

Fields was an easy target for impressionists and mimics. For example, Ed McMahon aped Fields on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, and Family Feud host and Match Game panelist Richard Dawson frequently did imitations of Fields. Master impressionist Rich Little used a Fields characterization for the "Scrooge" character in his one-man presentation of A Christmas Carol.

Les Dawson's character Zebediah Twain was obviously an affectionate tribute. Benny Hill had mimicked Fields in sketches and musical numbers on The Benny Hill Show.

W.C. Fields Trivia

A notable quote regarding alcohol is attributed to Fields: "I can't stand water because of the things fish do in it." Fields expressed his feelings in Never Give a Sucker an Even Break: "I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. It's the one thing I am indebted to her for."

When casting the 1939 version of The Wizard of Oz, Fields was the original choice for the title role. However, he couldn't make it. One rumor was that he believed the role was too small. Another alleged that he was asking too much money: his asking price was $100,000 while MGM offered $75,000. However, his agent asserted that Fields rejected the role because he wanted to devote his time to writing You Can't Cheat an Honest Man.

After losing money on Citizen Kane, RKO executives urged Orson Welles to choose as his next film a subject with more commercial appeal. Welles considered an adaptation of Charles Dickens's The Pickwick Papers starring Fields and John Barrymore, but

Fields's schedule would not permit it. The project was permanently shelved, and Welles went on to adapt The Magnificent Ambersons.

In 1939 Fields published a book entitled Fields for President, which was humorous satire in the form of a campaign speech. It didn't sell well at the time, mostly because people were confused as to whether it was meant to be taken seriously or not, but it was reprinted in 1972 when Fields was seen as an anti-establishment figure.

Fields kept a thermos of martini for purposes of refreshment, which he referred to as his "pineapple juice." One day a prankster switched the contents of the thermos, filling it with actual pineapple juice. Upon discovering the prank, Fields was heard to yell, "Who put pineapple juice in my pineapple juice?"

Singer Jimmy Buffett has made much of the fact that he was born on the very day that Fields died, even mentioning it in the cover booklet of his CD "Christmas Island."

Fields was inconsolable after three-year-old Christopher Quinn drowned in Fields's swimming pool during a visit to his home by

Christopher's father, Anthony Quinn, and mother, Katherine DeMille (daughter of famed Hollywood director Cecil B. DeMille).

In the 1991 movie The Rocketeer, which was set in 1938, Bob Leeman played the part of W.C. Fields.

On the August 18th 2007, Nick Miles and Adele Silva were asked the nationality of Fields for their £10,000 question on the

British version of Who wants to be a millionaire. They answered the question correctly.