Hats!

An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat.

Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the vestibule.

When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to the entire sermon on "The Ten Commandments."

After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his had vigorously, and told him "I want to thank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it."

Preacher: "You mean the commandment 'I shall not steal' changed your mind?"

Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that I remember where I left my old hat!"

Hats

A hat is an item of clothing which is worn on the head; a kind of headgear. Hats are differentiated from caps by being more elaborate; hats have a high crown, a brim, or both and are larger than caps. A hat may be either placed on the head or, in the case of some women's hats, secured with hat-pins (which are pushed through the hat and the hair). Many hats are intended only for men or for women, while other hats are fashionable for both sexes. Purveyors of men's hats are called hatters and purveyors of ladies' hats are called milliners.

Hat sizes

When a hat is made, it is also blocked to a certain hat size. Generally, less expensive hats will be a named size such as small, medium, large, and extra large. Finer hats are more strictly fitted to a person's head and have a numerical size.

Metric hat sizes are simply the distance around the persons head measured in centimeters, usually rounded up to the next centimeter if the measurement falls between the centimeter marks.

American numerical hat sizes are the average diameter of the head, determined by measuring the circumference of a person's head about 1/2 inch (1.3 cm) above the ears, dividing by pi, Also note that in the UK, an equivalent hat size is an eighth inch smaller than in the US. Some hats will stretch a size or two, but this can not be depended on for sizing purposes unless previous experience with the model of hat in question indicates it will stretch.

Hat shapes

The hat is also formed to be a specific shape. This is just as important as the size, as heads vary in length, width, and lumps. Some people have round heads, other elongated ovals. The shape can only truly be measured using specialised tools such as a conformateur. Shapes can include:

Round oval

Regular oval

Long oval

Parts of a hat

Crown - the portion of a hat covering the top of the head.

Brim - a projection of stiff material from the bottom of the hat's crown horizontally all around the circumference of the hat

Sweatband - the inside part of the hat, this is the part which touches the top of the wearer's head

Hatband - a leather strip, ribbon, or string at the intersection of the crown and brim to hold the hat's size.

Hat Maintenance

As with any other form of clothing, hats inevitably get dirty. Soft cotton or canvas hats can be cleaned as if they were regular clothing. Leather must be cleaned with special leather cleaning compounds. Straw hats can be cleaned with a mild detergent and water. Felt hats can be cleaned with a soft hat brush for dust, a damp towel for dirt, or gentle use of very fine sandpaper for persistent stains.

Akubra Australian hat with similarities to fedoras and cowboy hats

Boater: Straw hat

Bowler: The bowler hat is a hard felt hat with a rounded crown created for Thomas Coke, 2nd Earl of Leicester, in 1850. In the

United States, this hat is also known as a derby hat.

Cowboy: Though thought of as a consistent style, cowboy hats are simply highly rugged and utilitarian hats. Made of felt or straw, they feature large brims (as wide as four inches or more) to protect against rain and sun and some are even designed to hold water in the crown. Common styles include a safari style brim (with the brim turned down in the front and back) or a brim sharply curved up on either side. The last brim style has the effect of lowering the front of the brim to better protect the wearers eyes from the sun.

Derby: See Bowler

Fedora: Wider brimmed version of the Trilby

Homburg: German designed hat

Mortarboard: Educational hat worn usually to graduation

Porkpie: Circular shaped blocked inner tip

Panama: Straw hat made in Ecuador

Slouch: Generic term covering covering wide brimmed feltcrown hat, pupoula with militay and ranchers hats

Tea Hat: A wide brim hat worn by women and typically decorated with ribbons and/or fake flowers.

Top hat: A top hat is a kind of tall, flat-crowned, broad-brimmed hat worn by men throughout the 19th and early 20th centuries, now usually worn only with morning dress or evening dress.

Trilby Hat

Ushanka: Russian fur hat with fold down ear flaps