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Alaska!

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Alaska Jokes

You Know You're In Alaska When..

. . .you take off your shirt and your arms are as pale as your legs all the way to your wrists.

. . .you know that the term "Break Up" has more to do with the weather than personal relationships.

. . .your monthly phone bill is larger than your house payment.

. . .there is a bottle of Avon's Skin-So-Soft in your tackle box.

. . .you don't know anyone who doesn't own a 4-wheeler.

. . .you have ever taken a trip "outside" and tried to cash a traveler's check, drawn on an Alaskan bank, and the cashier asked you the current exchange rate in Alaska.

. . .you have ever washed your car while there was still snow on the ground.

. . .you have ever power washed your car by parking driver's side into the rain in the morning, and passenger side into the rain in the afternoon. (a Dutch Harbor thing)

. . .you have tennis elbow but have never played tennis, just snagged a lot of salmon.

. . .you know a honey bucket is really a bucket, but it's not really full of honey. (If you don't know, don't ask)

. . .you know that the Rat Net is not a rodent catching device.

. . .you know the Naknek twitch is an illegal fishing technique, not a spasmodic muscle in your neck.

. . .you travel for two days to get outside but none of your family members will travel more than two minutes to visit you.

. . .you learned to swim indoors.

. . .you leave your Christmas lights up, year round, because as soon as it gets warm enough to take them down it starts getting dark enough to put them up again.

. . .your bedroom windows are covered in aluminum foil.

. . .you had waffle soles put on your cowboy boots.

. . .your monthly veterinarian bill is more than your own medical bill.

. . .you know that a "handi-man-jack" is a device designed to lift a car to change a flat, not a guy named Jack that comes around your house on Saturdays to repair minor problems.

. . .you know a "white out" has to do with winter conditions not correcting fluid for typos.

Canada Living in Paradise

Jan. 10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful!

Jan. 11 We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did both our driveway and our sidewalk. Later a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again.

Jan. 12 It snowed an additional 5 inches last night, and the temperature has dropped to around 11degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish-gray.

Jan. 13 Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my butt in the driveway. $145 to a chiropractor, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.

Jan. 14 Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4x4 in order to get her to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter-panel. Had another 8 inches of the white stuff last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. That darn snowplow came by twice today.

Jan. 15 -2 degrees outside. More blasted snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out, but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. Car slid on ice on way to emergency room and was totaled.

Jan.16 Darn blasted white snow keeps on coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the mailbox. If I ever catch the jerk that drives the snowplow, I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to open our driveway again! Power still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.

Jan.17 Six darn more inches of blasted snow and sleet and ice and God knows what other kind of white crap fell last night. I wounded the snowplow jerk with an ice ax, but he got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snow blind. I can't move my toes. I haven't seen the sun in weeks. More snow predicted. Wind chill -62 degrees. I'm moving back to Albuquerque.

Alaska's More Important Laws

Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.

While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.

It is the state policy that emergencies are held to a minimum and are rarely found to exist.-Sec. 44.62.270. State policy.

It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.

In Fairbanks it is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank -- proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

The year was 1867 and Alaska was purchased from Russia, being twice the size of Texas, with 34,000 miles of uncharted rivers. Not until gold was found in 1880 did Americans in number invade this frontier. The history of Nome begins in the autumn of l 897 when a group of prospectors were caught by the freeze-up in an old Russian post on Norton Sound, which opens to the Bering Sea. Not wanting to winter over, a few men formed a party to cross the Sound and prospect the mouth of the Fish River Golovnin Bay.

Alaska is full of gold

They found a little gold which stimulated their interest. The next summer they returned to Explore the area more thoroughly. From their base camp on Golovnin Bay, the prospectors ranged across the Seward Peninsula as far as the mouth of the Snake River, 12 miles west of Cape Nome More gold was found, but not enough to excite the entire party.

Alaska and John Bynteson

The Swedish-born prospector, John Bynteson. confided his hunch that there was more gold to be found further inland. Also in the party were, Jafet Lindeberg, who had been brought over from Lapland to herd reindeer, and Erin Lindblom, a Swedish sailor who had jumped ship to hunt for gold. Brynteson, Lindeberg, and Lindblom, in late September, 1898, made their way to a gulch on Anvil Creek, 3 miles from the coast. They panned some $50 worth of gold the first day. After two to three weeks of successful panning, they returned to their base camp to replenish their supplies. With three additional Scandinavian friends and a hired Eskimo, whom they had taken into their confidence, the party of seven returned to Anvil Creek. They panned doggedly in the cold and dwindling daylight. Within a few days they had accumulated $1,800 worth of the pre metal.

Alaska, the big strike

Being convinced that they had struck it big, and having performed the legal essentials of work and discovery of a mineral, they organized a mining district. Then they elected one of their own, the recorder. They proceeded to stake out 43 claims for themselves, and, under power of attorney, staked 47 other claims in the names of every they knew. Each being sworn to secrecy by the other, they returned to camp for the winter. Such secrets are extremely hard to keep.

Alaska, the rush is on

During the winter of 1898-1899 the rush was on, from the States, the Klondike, and every corner of Alaska. In mid-spring, the previously empty beaches west of Cape Nome had become a tent town of 250 people; by early summer the number had risen to 1,000 and by late summer increased to 2,000.

Alaska and gold on the beaches of Nome

Though the numbers have decreased over the last 100 years, there is still gold to be had on the beaches of Nome. With inexpensive equipment, a hearty individual can still make a living there. There is gold in the sands and it's your to keep, but don't expect to strike it rich. Expect only the fun and adventure of prospecting in the far north and who knows? You might get lucky and make a big strike.

Much of the content on this page was obtained from the Wikipedia, which is licensed under the GNU Free Documentation License